i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
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