you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
