just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
