At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
