dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
