He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
