All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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