I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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