What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
