If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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