You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize