i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
im on a boat
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