"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize