youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
