im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
