I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
