You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
