Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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