hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize