Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
