and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
