It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
