I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
