So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
