I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
