I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
