I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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