There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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