Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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