I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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