I just saw a hot homeless man
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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