is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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