I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
