i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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