Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
