We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
