I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
