I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
