totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
