Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
