you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
