Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize