How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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