Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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