I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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