im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
