we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
