She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
