8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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