There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
