Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
