One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Threesome in a minivan. New low
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
