yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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