Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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