Whod you bang
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
