there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
