I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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