so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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