Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Text me some of your sweat
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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