she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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