chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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