I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
