I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
