That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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