my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
