three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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