That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
