My balls are so social today.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
