so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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