How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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