i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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