At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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