Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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