dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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