is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
