Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
